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The Blackhole Which Is My Purse

November 3rd, 2006 · 4 Comments · Family Life

I have this purse. It is a plain, black, backpack style purse.

I’ve had it a long time. I discovered it again a week, or ten days ago, while I was cleaning out some boxes in our spare bedroom that I hope to some day turn into an office/family room and ideally bring the washer and dryer upstairs so we don’t have to lug all our laundry up and down stairs. THAT suggestion always makes the Husband mutter obscenities though he’s never fully articulated WHY. I mean it would help HIM more than me because he is the one who has to lug all the laundry up and down the stairs. But, I digress.

Anyway, I was cleaning out some boxes, getting rid of stuff, or just moving stuff from one place in my house to another, when I discovered this purse. It is basic black. Not too small. Not too big. No torn handles or straps. No ugly stains. I opened it up. Besides having what appeared to be Barbie hair in it (probably some ugly Barbie ritual I don’t want to know anything about) it looked to be in good shape.

My current purse was a canvas. It kind of reminded me of a photographer’s bag. It has a long strap, olive green, lots of pockets. It was kind of big. And the pockets were nice but I had a difficult time remembering which pocket I put stuff in. And I’d had it for awhile, so I was ready for a change.

The BoyChild was helping me clean out this particular box and was particularly taken by this purse. He calles it my old-new-purse because I’ve had it awhile but it’s like new to me now.

I really like the purse. It’s nice to be able to wear it like a backpack and have both hands free. It’s nice to be able to lean over the BoyChild to buckle him into his car seat and not have it swing around and hit me. It goes with everything. I mean it’s black, what’s not to match.

But I remembered last night why I quit carrying this purse.

It is a black hole.

I mean I drop my cell phone into it. It begins ringing, I open up the purse to pull it out and I can’t find it. I’ve almost decided I need to change my voice mail message to “If you are calling and getting my voice mail, that probably means I am digging around in my purse trying to find my cell phone and I will call you right back.”

And it’s the same with EVERYTHING. If I drop a pen in, it takes forever to find it again. My palm acts like there’s a magnet holding it to the very bottom of the bag. My wallet, which is the biggest thing I carry in my purse, is even hard to find.

Part of the problem is that like the outside, the inside of the purse is black. So it makes it very difficult to see anything in there.

Part of the problem is that while it is roomy in there, it’s got a drawstring like dealie at the top, and if you don’t get it fully opened, it’s hard to see and dig around at the same time.

I’ve decided though that the biggest problem is: the thing is possessed.

That’s probably a good explanation.


4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Kristen // Nov 3, 2006 at 11:22 am

    Yeah, I’ve had black hole purses. My purse now is pretty big, but there’s a small pocket that I keep the cell phone in so I can get to it immediately when it rings. Now my sunglasses, they’re a different story.

    And I’m cracking up about the Barbie hair.

  • 2 p.p. // Nov 3, 2006 at 11:30 am

    Ha! My mom has one of these, though not the backpack version. When I call her, and she doesn’t pick up, guess what happens just 3 minutes later? She calls me back. I suppose you know why…

  • 3 Michelle // Nov 8, 2006 at 2:11 am

    About six months ago I finally graduated from a big ol’ momma purse that had everything to a stylish small purse that holds just enough. It’s liberating and I feel lighter too.

  • 4 Nancy // Nov 15, 2006 at 8:02 pm

    My husband still teases me because I wanted a backpack type handbag forever, and when I got one, I had the same problem. I could never find anything in it, and everything just rattled around in there. When I had to open it, I had to undo the flap and loosen the drawstring and then dig around forever. More trouble than it was worth, for sure! ;-)