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Filling up with dread and anxiety

August 20th, 2007 · 4 Comments · Allergies, Photos, The BoyChild, You want whine with that

The BoyChild is beginning school tomorrow.

Real School.

A Real Public School.

Kindergarten.

And I am filled with dread and anxiety.

Part of it is because he is my baby. My five year old is getting ready to start school. Next thing you know, I’ll blink and he’ll be graduating college and I’ll be wondering “when did he get so big.” All I want to do now is talk about the letter of the day and help him color his books. Because he’s going to be an illustrator now you know.

Part of it is the the allergies and the behavioral problems. We’ve taken him off wheat, gluten, dairy, casein and are working on removing corn. It is a challenge removing one item from his diet-as opposed to removing a bunch of stuff like we did at first.

In anticipation of going to the grocery store yesterday I went through my cabinets to get rid of everything that has corn in it and see what I needed to find a replacement for. That list is pretty extensive. I had to get rid of the pizza dough we intended to make, the angel food cake, the crackers he likes, the pretzels we had to take in the car. The baking powder I used to bake with. The milk substitute we found. It’s almost like starting from the beginning but with even fewer choices than before.

He also does not eat artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, preservatives and salicylates (this includes aspirin and many fruits, vegetables, and spices). He is also sensitive to environmental pollutants such as paint fumes, cigarette smoke, diesel fumes. mold, pollen and other things in the environment. We’ve got him on a good antihistamine and Singulaire.

And.

I think it has been working. We still have some rough days. But for the most part, we have more good days than bad.

I’m also filled with dread because he’s also not been away from one or the other of us for any length of time for more than six months. We’ve monitored and written down everything he’s eaten, anything he’s had to drink (except water) or medicine he’s taken since the first of June. One of us has been here with him to do that. We’ve not had to rely on other people to stop him from eating things he shouldn’t or to give him the things he should have.

I called and talked to his teacher today. I’d been trying to reach her since they reported last week. She didn’t fill me with confidence. I told her that if we didn’t send it, he couldn’t eat it. I went through the things he couldn’t eat. I told her I’d be happy to send whatever he needed, when he needed it, if she would tell me what that was. Her response? “Well get me a list of things he can eat.” I laughed, trying not to sound hysterical, and said, again, “well, if I don’t send it, he can’t eat it.” I tried again.

Do you give them juice?
No.

Do you feed them snacks?
Sometimes.

I worry whether he’s mature enough to go to school.

I worry whether he will be able to turn down things he’s not suppose to have when all the other kids are having them.

I worry whether the bad behaviors will return and about how his teacher and the principal and school district will deal with his bad behaviors if they do return.

And he wants to go to school. He wants to learn. He wants to play with other children. And I want those things for him. But I also want to protect him. Make sure he is safe. Make sure he doesn’t get into anything he shouldn’t have.

And I want to make sure I am making the right decisions for him.

So tonight, the dread and anxiety feels like it is going to swallow me whole.

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4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 jess // Aug 21, 2007 at 7:36 am

    Thinking of you today, hon.

    He’ll be fine! And he’ll love it.

    (remember this, okay? Because I’m going to need you to send me the same message in a few weeks…)

    How the HELL did they get so big so fast??

  • 2 Lisa H // Aug 28, 2007 at 3:22 pm

    We have some minor food issues at school ourselves, as David isn’t allowed pork or shellfish or jello. Last year (his kindergarten year) he was really good at telling people what he couldn’t have and not eating things he didn’t recognize. Have you coached BoyChild on what to say when someone offers him food? This really helped David.

  • 3 missmamamoon // Sep 1, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Yay! BoyChild is starting Kindergarten! My baby girl is starting next week (we start later in Canada, always after Labour Day). He food thing will be tough – the hardest part enforcing it with the outside world. People will refuse to believe that he can’t eat such a large list of foods. I hope it all goes well!

  • 4 Elle // Sep 3, 2007 at 7:56 pm

    He’ll be a rock star . . but I’m with ya in mind and spirit . . remember my Middle just started the kindy.

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